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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27514621">(Of) Sunshine Smiles and Broken Hearts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRoomWhereItHappened347/pseuds/TheRoomWhereItHappened347'>TheRoomWhereItHappened347</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020 [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(in thoughts), Angst with a Happy Ending, Bedridden, Confessions, Drowning, Feelings Realisation, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Miya Atsumu Needs a Hug, Poor baby Atsumu sacrifices his feelings to make others feel better, Pre-Established Relationships, Prompts:, Sad Miya Atsumu, SakuAtsu is Endgame, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Sacrifice, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Timeskip, Unrequited Love, Whumptober 2020, how many damn times am I gonna write unrequited love fics, is this a mix of my love for unrequited love trope and my feelings mixed together?, mix of normal timeline and, yes of course it is</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 04:33:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,162</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27514621</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRoomWhereItHappened347/pseuds/TheRoomWhereItHappened347</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There were two people Atsumu used to have full blown crushes on; both far out of his reach, taken by other men and happy to be with them. </p><p>He didn’t complain, he had no right to; both of these people had been with their respective partners for at least a year and he had to deal with that fact until he could get over them.</p><p>It didn’t mean the third one should lead to his downfall though.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hinata Shoyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kita Shinsuke/Ojiro Aran, Miya Atsumu/Hinata Shoyou, Miya Atsumu/Kita Shinsuke, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Whumptober 2020 [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1954654</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>219</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>1) I’ve had this idea for months and I finally have written enough to post it! I went on a major writing spree yesterday but decided to split this into two chapters. </p><p>2) I feel like this reflects what I went through with someone in a sense and had to put their wants in front of mine.</p><p>3) Very late Whumptober submission but I decided to take a more emotional/mental look at the prompts and here we are...</p><p>4) Enjoy the fic and leave a kudos and comment!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There were two people Atsumu used to have full blown crushes on; both far out of his reach, taken by other men and happy to be with them. </p><p>He didn’t complain, he had no right to; both of these people had been with their respective partners for at least a year and he had to deal with that fact until he could get over them.</p><p>Kita Shinsuke was the first one. </p><p>Smart, straightforward and handsome, Atsumu couldn’t find it in himself to keep his crush from developing, especially at the beginning of second year. </p><p>He made leaps and bounds to get closer to Kita, following his senpai’s wishes (even though Kita could be frightening when he wanted to be) whilst improving himself at a relentless pace. </p><p>Every small but ever so real smile made his heart stutter, every word spoken was taken in; he really was infatuated. </p><p>He hated knowing that Kita, their normally stoic leader, cried after the Karasuno match, so he vowed to win next year. </p><p>Even thought the captain was dating the ace, Aran, he made the decision to confess on Kita’s graduation day, knowing his feelings would definitely not be returned. He didn’t expect them to be either, he wasn’t that stupid.</p><p>Cliche setting: under the cherry blossom tree, petals surrounding them and falling to the ground as he confessed his feelings to Kita. </p><p>“I never expected ya to return my feelings, but I had to confess before it became too late. Thank you for hearing me out,” he bowed before looking back at Kita.</p><p>“Thank you for confessing Atsumu, but you’re right, I never could’ve accepted your feelings. It’s good ya had the courage to confess though,” Kita smiled gently, making Atsumu’s heart flutter despite being rejected a few moments ago.</p><p>It took a few years for Atsumu to get over Kita, but that was expected, he’d been in love with his captain ever since his first year at Inarizaki. </p><p>Pieces of his heart were slowly stuck back together with sticky tape over many nights, but a hard enough tug would make it fall to shards all over again. </p><p>Love. What was love? </p><p>The general definition was ‘an intense feeling of deep affection’, but to Atsumu it could mean so many things. </p><p>A homemade onigiri from his mother or a friendly wrestle with ‘Samu? That was platonic and familial. </p><p>He wanted to feel love that could be felt through picnics under the stars and kisses in the pouring rain; movie nights, intimacy and putting that love above anything else. Being committed was his priority.</p><p>He spent the next few years focused on volleyball, choosing to improve himself to the point where he made it onto the MSBY Jackals and played volleyball for a living. </p><p>He thrived in an environment where everyone wanted to be their best self. Bokuto was worrisome at first, but had proved himself the second they got on the court; he was a powerful asset and a good guy. </p><p>Atsumu pretended he didn’t envy Bokuto’s relationship with Akaashi, when really all he wanted someone to go home to instead of an empty apartment.</p><p>Then came his second love: Hinata Shoyou.</p><p>Before the Jackals, Hinata was simply an interesting spiker who Atsumu had promised to set to at some point in the future. Orange hair, smiley features and an amazing jump. </p><p>Hinata coming back from Brazil piqued his interest though; same sunny personality with blinding smiles, but more talented and serious in volleyball. </p><p>He was a trap Atsumu willingly fell into. </p><p>Countless hours spent with the spiker allowed him to know the other better; how pork buns reminded him of after training in Karasuno with the 3rd years; how Bokuto’s brother-like tendencies reminded him of the former Karasuno libero, Nishinoya; how Atsumu’s hair reminded him of Brazil’s sand. </p><p>Laying in bed, Atsumu reflected on his failing love life. He fell suddenly and loved quietly unless given permission to be loud, but he hadn’t been given the chance, and he doubted he would be able to for a while, especially considering earlier.<br/>
____________________________________________</p><p>“Hey Atsumu, can you help me with something?” Hinata had asked in the locker rooms, the others having left while he and Hinata were practicing extra spikes. </p><p>“Hm? What’s up Shoyou-kun?”</p><p>“Can you come with me to pick a ring for Kageyama?” </p><p>His heart skipped a beat. </p><p>How could he forget Hinata’s raven haired boyfriend? The one who’d been in Hinata’s heart before Atsumu had met him. </p><p>“Of course,” he said as he faked a grin. “When are we gonna go?” </p><p>Hinata rambled about a really nice ring he’d seen in the centre of Osaka, but Atsumu wasn’t completely there.<br/>
He was nursing a broken heart yet again, the metaphorical tape being ripped off by his oblivious teammate turned unrequited love.<br/>
____________________________________________</p><p>They’d agreed to meet up on Monday to go ring shopping, Hinata planning to propose to Kageyama after the Jackals vs Adlers match. </p><p>His eyes widened as he realised he would have to be there and watch that happen as well as congratulate his unrequited crush. What a horrible way to spend time after a match. </p><p>It wasn’t like he wasn’t happy for Hinata, it was good he was chasing what he wanted, but Atsumu didn’t want to wallow in self-pity before and after an important match. It wasn’t like anyone was gonna pick him up. No one else knew about his crush except himself. </p><p>Maybe there was something about him that stopped people from loving him romantically -‘stop being ridiculous Atsumu’, his brain told him, ‘the people you’ve loved are already in relationships’- maybe he came off as too pushy and attention seeking for them to be interested. It wouldn’t be the first time someone thought it, too many girls he’d dated said so.<br/>
____________________________________________</p><p>The proposal happened, Atsumu cried -he passed them off as happy tears- and life went on.<br/>
Yet here he laid, cocooned by his sheets, wrapped in the imitation of a hug. </p><p>His cheeks were stained with tears and he’d struggled to leave his bed, lying under the covers and alternating between sleep and wakefulness for who knew how long. </p><p>He felt disgusting if he wanted to be honest with himself, but he couldn’t bring himself to move.<br/>
Thank god Coach Foster had given them the few days off as reward for winning the Adlers match, he barely had the strength to move. </p><p>He faintly registered his phone’s ringtone -something by ABBA- but didn’t move to get it. He’d said he was going to be offline for a while anyway. </p><p>“Miya!” He flinched as someone knocked like an SWAT agent against his door. “Get up! I know you’re here, I can hear your obnoxious ringtone.” Who the hell was here now?</p><p>He sighed before unwillingly shoving the duvet off of him and stumbling to the door, stopping briefly as the floor swayed beneath his feet. ‘That’s what I get for not leaving bed for 2 days and something hours,’ he thought. </p><p>“Atsumu!” </p><p>“O-oi!” His voice broke on his first attempt of speaking. “I’m here ya know!” </p><p>“Then open the door.” At first he was concerned it was Inunaki -the libero was never afraid to be loud with his worry- but this was new. </p><p>Sakusa never willingly came to his flat. The guy always claimed his room would be tied with Bokuto’s in terms of cleanliness -which was a lie considering Bokuto had a much more organised room than him- and would probably have a new strand of bacteria growing in there.</p><p>Atsumu wasn’t that gross! He was picking up better habits like sanitising his hands before eating in restaurants and making sure there were no clothes laying on his floor...well except for now. His room wasn’t exactly the best. </p><p>“No.” No one could see him in this state. It would be the end of him.</p><p>“Why?” </p><p>“I don’t want ya seeing me.” </p><p>“The others are worried about you.” Was Sakusa not? It would make sense, after all, it was rare that he and the spiker would have a civil conversation, bickering or banter being their main form of communicating.</p><p>“I’ll be fine by tomorrow. Thanks for checking Omi-kun.”<br/>
What the hell made Atsumu think he could get away with disappearing off of the face of the world for a few days? He was a famous volleyball player and generally sociable person, of course people were going to think something was wrong! </p><p>‘I have to pull myself together,’ he thought before glancing at his kitchen clock. 18:36. ‘I have to get something done after two days of self-deprecation.’</p><p>He showered, relieved when the greasy feeling in his hair disappeared after a thorough scrubbing. He didn’t feel completely like himself, but he would pass whatever wave of self-deprecation off as exhaustion or an excuse that seemed plausible to Coach Foster. </p><p>His thoughts drowned him as he prepared a simple meal of miso soup and rice, staring absently at the bubbling soup. </p><p>Would he get over Hinata? He would have to. He couldn’t keep his feelings over someone who would never return them, it would be exhausting. </p><p>How would he get over him though? They were on the same team, and it wasn’t as if Atsumu could transfer mid-season, it would be ridiculous! </p><p>“You’ll get over him eventually,” he murmured to himself, turning the stove to a lower temperature when his rice started to boil. </p><p>It was harder to forget his love for Hinata than Kita, since the rice farmer spent much more time away than the volleyball player did. </p><p>Sunshine smiles dominated his heart after an amazing set-spike combination even though he told himself to ban those feelings, to suppress them until they were non-existence. </p><p>Hinata was a wave and Atsumu was a rock stuck in the sand on the shore of a beach; he was bound to the sand by the weight of his feelings and he couldn’t escape, couldn’t tear away from the chains that were his emotions. </p><p>Hinata’s wave of positivity and hope swept over him during every second they spent together, even if Kageyama was there in the end and Atsumu was forced to bury his feelings deep down in the pit of his heart. </p><p>‘Be with me,’ his heart cried out. ‘Be with me and we can make each other happy.’ Osamu was right: he was selfish. He wanted and wanted and wanted, and most of the time received it, however this want couldn’t be solved with a simple payment or action. No, this would need to be solved with effort on both sides.</p><p>Osamu, the more successful twin. </p><p>Osamu, the twin running his own successful business with a succeeding boyfriend who played volleyball in the same league as Atsumu.</p><p>Osamu, the more preferred twin because he wasn’t as loud as Atsumu, as obnoxious as Atsumu was. God, why would anyone fall for him? What did he have to offer in a relationship? </p><p>His doubts assaulted his mind during this time period and he often struggled to keep his own mood up, let alone keep up a ‘perfect’ mask. </p><p>If his teammates noticed he had more bad days than good days in terms of his moods, they didn’t mention it. As long as his playing style was consistently good, no one approached him about why he was in a worse mood than usual.</p><p>He shut his feelings down by the end of the second season they participated in.<br/>
Love wasn’t his forte and it showed through his heart yearning for the wrong people.</p><p>He shoved his feelings down into the abyss that was the hole in his heart, focusing on his passion instead. </p><p>He wouldn’t be able to return to a lover, but he could always return to volleyball and it would embrace him with open arms. </p><p>‘You don’t need romance,’ he told himself. ‘You are content with your family and friends, you don’t need a lover.’ </p><p>He did.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>1) Whelp, I’m very happy with the ending of this. While I was writing this, my brain was entertaining the idea of another fic which could link to this...jk (or not 👀)</p><p>2) It took a while to edit but here we are! I’ll come back in a while to see if anything needs to be edited (I don’t have a beta, life sucks).</p><p>3) Enjoy the second chapter and leave a kudos and comment!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Atsumu’s feelings for Hinata eventually vanished 7 months after developing them, him deciding to keep his feelings a secret as to not ruin the spiker-setter relationship they had. </p><p>He didn’t want to be the reason teamwork went down during games, however he doubted Hinata would be that unprofessional anyway. </p><p>Something new had arisen in the past few months, something dangerous that Atsumu didn’t dare interact with, let alone give his undivided attention. </p><p>Something new began with the flutter in his heart when Sakusa spiked a ball and gave him a rare compliment for the good toss. Something new with the tingly feeling he felt when he smelt lemon-scented antibacterial wipes in the locker room, signalling when Sakusa had cleaned part (or all) of the changing room when him and the others came to use it. </p><p>He couldn’t name this feeling, not yet. He felt it during the Japan training camp in his second and third years, however he was dealing with his feelings for Kita and never paid attention to this new sensation.</p><p>Maybe it was the emptiness he felt when this person was gone or his fear of going through the same thing a third time. He was growing tired of it as well; it took too much energy from him and he may as well tell himself it wouldn’t happen for a while or ever. Was he overreacting? Maybe, maybe not.</p><p>Falling in love was an arduous process and he refused to relive it another time. </p><p>Laying on his bed, he couldn’t help the weak flutter of his heart when he remembered witnessing Sakusa’s grin after the Jackals won the previous season in their final match against the Adlers, or when the spiker drunkenly smiled at the nickname ‘Omi-Omi’ for the first time, or the small but noticeable sparkle in the spiker’s eye after a satisfying spike-</p><p>His heart lurched.</p><p>He could name the feeling.</p><p>He was in love with Kiyoomi.</p><p>His breathing increased until he felt like he was hyperventilating, the fear of falling in love again surrounding his heart with smoky black tendrils.</p><p>He didn’t want his crush, love, whatever name it had, to be unrequited again, but there was a good chance it would be. </p><p>He was barely able to touch Sakusa -with the exception of a rare high five or after match hug- let alone date him. He hadn’t even been in a relationship for years despite his track record of wanting to be with someone not squeaky clean. </p><p>He spent the rest of the night wide awake and restless, cursing his (probably) third unrequited love.</p><p>His alarm startled him out of the nightmarish state he was in, brow twitching at the fact he had to deal with people again. Specifically, the subject of his affections.</p><p>He walked to training with a tired grin and heavy heart.</p><p>His tosses are good enough but not the best -‘just like me,’ he thought mirthlessly- however no one chose to comment except Sakusa, who cornered him after practice.</p><p>Sakusa, the subject of his affections. 
Sakusa, who wouldn’t accept anything but the best. Sakusa, who probably wouldn’t accept Atsumu.<br/>
“What’s wrong with you today?” Sakusa asked as he stood a metre away from Atsumu with his arms crossed. “First you turn up to practice looking like you didn’t sleep, then your tosses are all over the place. Are you sure you’re not sick?” As the words came out of the spiker’s mouth his nose crinkled with disgust.</p><p>“It’s nothing Sakusa,” Atsumu shot back, feeling like a cornered fox. His words were his claws and he readied them with malicious intent, ready to swipe at any moment. He’d only confronted his emotions less than 24 hours ago, he didn’t want to think about them again in front of another person.<br/>
“Nothing’s wrong with me,” -‘I feel like I’m going to go through the past few months and I can’t do it again’- “and my tosses were fine,” -‘I want to go back to last week when I didn’t know about my crush on you’- “why are ya even concerned?” ‘Don’t give me hope only to let me down’.</p><p>Sakusa didn’t say anything and the silence in the locker room became so suffocating that Atsumu grabbed his bag and walked out, his eyes stinging. Why did he feel like crying? Was it the stress of the situation or the fear of being rejected?</p><p>“Atsumu, wait!” His heart skipped a beat at the plead which made him hesitate for a few seconds, but it was enough to let Kiyoomi catch up with him.<br/>
“What is wrong with you? You’re hiding something, you’ve been hiding it for the whole day and it’s thrown you off.” Kiyoomi’s dark eyes held undisguised worry. “Tell me what’s wrong, please.” </p><p>Atsumu couldn’t handle the concern directed towards him by the one he loved. He fell too quickly, too suddenly, and he became infatuated to the point where he suffered when having to hide it from crushes. </p><p>He was too exhausted to deal with this.</p><p>“You really wanna know what’s wrong?” He sighed, shifting the bag on his shoulder in a weak effort to distract himself from the burning sensation in his eyes.<br/>
“I’m in love with you Omi-Omi and I’m too tired to hide it any longer. I can’t help but fall in love with the two moles on your forehead, your straightforwardness, your smiles and habits, and no, the mysophobia doesn’t deter me. If anything it adds to your amazing character. It proves how strong you are to be able to continue a normal life.” He couldn’t meet Kiyoomi’s eyes.<br/>
“I understand if you don’t want to be with me, but don’t accept if you’re doing it out of pity, because I hate it and I’ll hate if you date me because of it.” </p><p>Silence reigned the space between the two players, Atsumu unsure if anything else needed to be said or if Kiyoomi was going to reject him. </p><p>“Atsumu, I promise you, I would not date you out of pity,” Kiyoomi started. “I would date you because I like you and I want to be with you. You wanna know why? Because even if you’re an asshole sometimes, you’re considerate and kind when needed and you care a lot. You always consider my mysophobia when you’re near me and you care about the others in your own way, whether it be teasing to being the mood up or hugging them. So, do you want to start dating me?” He watched as a light blush spread across Sakusa’s face.</p><p>His heart was beating as if it was mimicking a heart attack, his ears not believing what he was hearing. Were his feelings being returned for once?</p><p>“I-I...you really mean...” He couldn’t formulate words. “O-of course!” </p><p>The reality hadn’t settled in yet, and he doubted it would for a few days, but as he and Sakusa walked out of the training centre with linked pinky fingers, he knew he would give everything he could to their relationship.</p>
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